Not So Good News

I am officially bummed-out. I went into my "last" chemo with high hopes. I told you about the blood test I had last week to check for "cancer markers" in the blood. Well, apparently, the numbers have gone up, and the better scenario is that they should be going down.

Needless to say, this was not good news, nor was it expected. It felt like a punch in the stomach. When I asked her what this will mean, she said, "Don't worry, we have ways to help you." I asked what that meant, and she said, "There is chemo, and other drugs that we can use to treat it." SO, long story short, I may be facing more drugs and/or chemo...did not want to hear that.

Let me back up this day a bit...Last night I lay awake for hours before I finally fell asleep about 4:00 am. It was like my brain was on high rev and I could not shut it down. Even that short 3 hours of sleep (which was supposed to be eight) was interrupted by a bathroom break. SO, I awoke to the alarm at seven o'clock, exhausted. Took a shower, dressed and dragged myself to chemo. I felt at a disadvantage going into it, and then the bad news did not help my mental state.

Thank goodness they shot me full of Benedryl, and that knocked me out for several hours during my treatment. I must admit, I am struggling with this new development. Really don't relish the thought of going through more drugs, etc. Feeling fatigued and sick is getting OLD.

Maybe in a few days, I'll develop a better attitude. Right now, I am discouraged.

Love to all,

Mary