Home Alone...Almost

Today, Gary went back to work...he's only 5 minutes away, and with cell phones handy, he's only a short call away if I need him. But all was well. I slept soundly last night on my cushy new mattress cover. It's memory foam on top of the regular mattress...works great! No lights blinking, no loud beeping from the monitors...NO monitors...I slept well. Got up at 7 am and made my 2 minute microwave oatmeal. I am walking around the house well! It is so much easier to get up and down with my "new" knees.

Then I decided I needed a shower...badly, so I called a friend, Myrle, who came and stayed here with me while I showered, and then helped me put my ace bandage back on. I just thought it would be wiser to have someone else in the house...just in case. But I did not experience any problems with showering.

Gary installed a handrail to help me balance as I get in and out of the deep tub. And I found a shower chair in someone's front yard with a "free" sign on it last winter while I was driving my bus. That has been a big help for my knees, too! I used it on really bad days. Now, I just find it easier to deal with my drain tube, etc. sitting down.

He also put together a lunch for me for today, and all I had to do was heat it and eat it! So things are going much better than I could have imagined at this point. Whenever the pain gets sharp, I take my pain pills, and sit down and relax, and that takes care of it! Thank Heaven for Painkillers!

I got to Skype with Tacy and Fiona today, but my camera was not working for some reason (operator error) so I got to see them, but they couldn't see me. Fiona sang and danced for me...so cute! Thank Heaven for Computers with Skype!

I got some beautiful plants and flowers from Sandy & Phyllis, from Kottkes' (my employer) and Gary's employer, RMS, and Aunt Pat. Thank you everyone for your kindness, and prayers!

Love you all,

Mary

Over the First Hurdle

I am home from the hospital! What a relief! I have to admit, I thought I was going to be sick from the anestetia, and very sore and in pain, but my doctors did an amazing job of managing all of that! I am blessed.

Yes, there is some discomfort, but compared to the gall bladder surgery 6 years ago, this was a cake walk. I never had one moment of nausea, and no severe dizziness, etc. The pain medicine I am taking is working well, and I think all of the anestetic is out of my system...I have been drinking a lot of water, and they were giving me an IV of Saline, etc. at the hospital.

I have a drain in, but it seems to be doing it's job well. That will stay in until I see my surgeon for a post op visit next Thursday. Then I will hang out and wait until July 27th to see the oncologist. I am not allowed to lift anything over 15 pounds with my left arm. I barely notice the portacath in my right shoulder at this point. Most of my discomfort happens if I bend forward and try to reach for something. Gary has been helping me a lot so I don't have to do much of that kind of motion. I am supposed to get up and walk around some, and that seems easy, too. SO, my prognosis is that I am going to make it!

Thank you all for your prayers and well-wishes. I was certainly buoyed up by them, because I have felt so calm through this.

Love you all!

Mary

Ten...Nine...Eight...

Time for the countdown. I shall have to get up early to be at the hospital by 7am. (Not my favorite thing, it's a lot like going to work!) It has really been helpful to me to be going into this with a relaxed state of mind.

I have had SO many people express their love and concern and offering prayers on my behalf, and there is just NO WAY I can feel down. I feel so encouraged, and at peace. I know this is just something I HAVE to go through and there is just no getting around it. I intend to take it one day at a time. That way it doesn't seem so overwhelming. Besides, I have a whole month after the surgery to recuperate and rest!

So please don't make yourselves scarce. I enjoy hearing from you all. I think of you too, you know, and wonder what's up in your lives. Please keep me distracted! LOL! I have a laptop I can use in bed, so I WILL be checking my Facebook and email, etc.

Blessings and Love to you ALL!

Mary

Counting Down the Hours...

One day to go...this has seemed like an eternity! I am feeling a kind of numb calmness now. I have worked hard to keep myself distracted this week so I would not think about what's coming too much. I really do appreciate all my good friends who have contributed to my distraction! It sure was fun hanging out with you all!

On Friday, I went up to St. Cloud with Sandy, Phyllis, and Chris. We went to Crafts Direct. It's a store the size of WalMart with nothing but CRAFT supplies in it! I was truly in my happy place! Then we joined Sandy's daughter, Sherri for lunch at Granite city, then headed back to the cities.

In the evening, I joined Suzanne at her house while she had the young women over for camp certification. They built a campfire, and cooked shish-kabobs, and corn on the cob and baked muffins inside hollowed-out oranges. Of course, there were marshmallows for roasting, too. John and Kim kept us entertained, and Michelle, Casie and Dorothea were there.

I was so bushed from the day trip, I fell asleep on Suz' couch for two hours, even with all the mayhem around me (I didn't hear a thing!)

Today I had a last-minute call from my doctor's office to come in and have a re-check on my shingles. For a while there, I was sweating bullets, worried he was going to call off the surgery because I still have a few marks on my back. The ones in the front have gone away. He called and talked with my surgeon, and they decided to let me go in on Monday morning and Dr. Schmidt will determine whether she thinks I am good to go ahead with the procedure.

Alright, already! I just want to get this over with! SOON!

Tonight (Saturday) Gary and I stayed home and watched a movie and had a very nice date night. We talked about what's ahead, and I think we are as ready as we can be. He is being so supportive and kind. I truly appreciate it! Tomorrow will hopefully be somewhat restful, even though I feel I still have some last-minute things to prepare.

I have to be at the hospital early Monday morning so they can poke and prod me some more before surgery.

I believe everything will turn out fine. This is just a Bump in the Road, not the End of the Road...

Love you all!

Mary

Incommunicado

Several of you have mentioned that you wanted to post a comment to me here on my blog, but couldn't get through the technical part...I can understand that. It took me a number of trys before I could comment on my daughter's blog, too. I am not saavy enough to explain the process to you, but I can give you some alternatives.

Just go on on my Facebook Page (Mary LaBarre Krause) and send me a note if you wish...I LOVE to hear from you! If you aren't on Facebook, then send me an email to marykrause@hotmail.com

It really bolsters my courage to hear your comments!

Love you all!

This is FOR SURE

Here's the schedule:

Monday, June 27th 9:00am at St. John's Hospital in Maplewood : surgery

Tuesday, (not sure what time) go home to recuperate for four weeks

July 27th : Appointment with the oncologist to plan radiation and chemo.

I am very happy with my choices of surgeon and oncologist! Things are looking UP!

Love you ALL!

Mary

Checking out Oncology

Today was a good day. I got up and did all my exercises, and did a few things around the house, and then met Diane and Angie to tour the oncology facility over by Mercy Hospital. I even got to meet my oncologist in the hallway. I did not have a formal appointment with her. I had to laugh at myself (I get plenty of opportunities to do that!) Her name is Nagargoje. I assumed I would be meeting a Japanese person by the sound of the name, but she is actually of Indian (India) descent.

Not that it matters in the least, I just had to laugh at that. It was a very nice tour, and Diane got to say hi to alot of the people she knew so well when her friend, Lisa was going through this. I was impressed with the facility, and the friendliness of the people who work there.

It was just plain fun to spend a couple of hours with Diane and Angie, too!

I went home and worked on organizing my room some more...finding places to put everything. I just want to keep busy for the next week, while I wait for surgery.

My niece, Tess called this evening, and wants to do another Benefit for me over at her church in St. Paul. She is planning a spaghetti dinner and a silent auction. I am speechless.

I continually feel so blessed.

Love and Blessings to you all!

Mary

ANOTHER Change in Plans...

Saturday we moved my bedroom from the downstairs room to upstairs, and changed the computers around, too, so that I now have the den upstairs for mine, and Gary's computer is downstairs. Gary has been a sweetheart and is helpful in every way...Thanks, Gary!

Thank Goodness for Ben, who came in the morning and made the transition so easy! He unhooked all the wires and cables and had everything up and running in such a short time. I am sure Gary and I would still be scratching our heads, trying to figure out what goes where, and wondering why we can't get on the internet. What a relief.....THANKS BEN!!!!

Happy Fathers' Day to all you Dads out there!

I got a call from my surgeon about her discussion with my oncologist. The surgery WILL come first, after all. She is working on getting me scheduled for Monday, June 27th. It will be at St. John's Hospital in Maplewood now, instead of St. Paul. I don't know any details yet, but will let you all know when I hear.

I am so relieved to have such an attentive physician. It is so amazing to me to deal with a doctor directly, and not through a clinic! She is my kind of Doc.

So now, after all the switching around, I am back to the original plan, just a week later. I'm at the point where I just want this to be over and done, so I can quit thinking about it. It is so much easier to deal with reality, as opposed to my imagination and over-thinking everything.

My oncologist is at Mercy Hospital Clinic, and I chose her on the recommendation of a friend- Diane, and because it is only 15 minutes from home, instead of a half hour. I will be taking a tour of the facility on Monday with Diane. I probably won't have an appointment with the oncologist until a few weeks after my surgery.

I feel like I am making some progress in cleaning out my clutter here at home. This is a good feeling, and I am ready to unload things I won't be using. It has been a blessing to be home these past few weeks to focus on myself and to have time to do what I need to do to feel ready to face what's ahead.

It was also a special treat to see the videos of Tacy's new place... just a beautiful location. Can't wait to visit out there! Fiona is growing so fast, and every day she knows more words! Chuck posted a picture of him and Fiona on a carosel. Tacy said after one ride around, she gave the hand-sign for "more" so Daddy took her for another ride. So Sweet!

Of course, I also enjoy my "other grandchild", Brutus the Bulldog. Beth posts the cutest videos and pictures of him on her Facebook. Makes me smile.

Doug (Gary's brother) and Liza met us at Outback and we had dinner together. Then we continued the visit at home. That was a special treat today, after a long day of moving stuff around.

I feel SO supported and loved by all my friends, and I so appreciate all the well-wishes and prayers. I am truly blessed to know so many wonderful people, who have been there for me at just the right moments.

Love You All,

Mary :)

Doctor Call

I don't remember WHEN a doctor ever called me directly, let alone several times now. Today Dr. Schmidt called me again to discuss how she wants to proceed with my treatment. I really appreciate her letting me in on what she is thinking on my behalf. Most of my other clinics send phone messages, or mail letters to me about such things, or when I call their offices, I have to go through a lot of recordings, and pushing numbers to [hopefully] find out what I need to know.

She had a conference with a number of other surgeons & oncologists. There is a new approach to my kind of cancer which is working well and getting good results. That is, getting chemotherapy started BEFORE the surgery. The advantage of this is that it shrinks the cancer and makes it more defineable as they go in to remove it.

SO, next Tuesday, when I was scheduled for my mastectomy--which I cannot have due to my shingles, I will have a port put under the skin on my right shoulder. This creates an easy entry for administering the chemo frequently without constantly being stuck with needles.

As of today, the Surgeon and the Oncologist have not connected, and they will have to work out the details of when my surgery can be done.

I spent some time getting aquainted with my new laptop, and then went out with my girlfriends to a movie this evening. Thank Goodness for my Dear Friends! Love you ALL!

Mary

Taking a Break

I went to the knee doctor today and got my last set of shots. I can tell the difference already. After the initial stiffness wears off, my knees feel much better. I was walking around the house without my cane tonight (my knees are usually the worst at night), and I wasn't hobbling around, either! This is supposed to get better in a month or so, I am very encouraged about this procedure.

After that, I met my dear friend, Nadine nearby at Herberger's in Stillwater, MN. She went in and did some shopping while I made some calls. She is in town from Utah for the week. We went to lunch and sat and talked awhile...it is great having girlfriends!

Then my brother, Dave called me and told me he had my supplements. (He works at a Vitamin Store in West St. Paul, and his boss gave him permission to use his employee discount for my supplements). He saved me about eighty dollars today!!! I am taking an immune system booster, and I believe it is helping me a lot, because my shingles could be a lot worse than they are. So, along with my meds, this should kick the shingles out! We sat and talked for a long while. I love my brother!

Another Set-back

Today felt like a real set-back. I went to my regular MD for a Pre-Op. Physical. Found out I DO have shingles...

He checked the lines of sores on my front and back at chest level, and confirmed that it was, in fact Shingles. These are caused by stresses on the body and mind. They are latent Chicken Pox Virus that re-surface when trauma happens. Mine broke out the day after I got my cancer diagnosis. (My Dad had them when he had cancer, too)

SO - I have to take an anti-viral medication for 7 days, and then wait another week for the sores to fade away before he could recommend I go ahead with surgery. This is a virus that could potentially spread like wildfire if I introduce it into an open wound, and it is very close to where the surgery will be.

Well, this puts me into the time when my surgeon is going to be gone for a week. She called me today to tell me that she talked with Dr. Sievert about postponing the surgery, but now she wants me to start the chemo. BEFORE the surgery, because there is "quite a lot of cancer in my breast and lymph glands under my arm". I am not a happy camper about that one...but what do you do when you don't know what to do?

I also have a cyst growing on my right index finger, and it is starting to warp my fingernail, so I have to have that removed also...I will wait a bit on that one.

Right now I am feeling upset and bewildered...no, downright FREAKED-OUT! I shall have to calm down and then I will write some more.....

I Hate Needles!

But I hate the pain in my knees even more, so I subjected myself to a shot in each knee again this morning. It was done by one of my Doctor's associates. He had a different approach to it, and first stuck the needle straight into the front of my knee, which began to bleed profusely...so, he said, "well, I see that is not gonna work in that spot." And then decided to shoot me from the outside of the knee.

His shots actually hurt less than last week, because he sprayed something on my skin to numb it, and that made a world of difference. It is difficult for them to get inside the knee joint, because there is no cartilidge, and so there is very little space for the needle to go.

Afterwards, it feels like pressure in my knee, but not painful. SO next week will be my last set of shots. He said it may take a while to feel the full effects. I am already more comfortable walking.

I have been finding out about more and more people that I have known, past and present who have had breast cancer and are survivors. That was reassuring. It really helps to keep my mind in a positive place.

Have a wonderful day, everyone!

Love and Hugs,

Mary

Change of Plans...

I had the idea in my head, and discussed it with a few people, that I would finish getting the shots in my knees (next two Thursdays) and then travel out to Alpine, Utah with Joni (Chuck's Mom) to see Tacy, Chuck & Fiona, and Julia & Daniel MacDonald mainly. And sit by the stream in their backyard and meditate and get my head on straight, and come back and then have my surgery.

Well, my doctor phoned me today when she heard my plans and said she is "not at all comfortable with waiting that long to do my surgery". I would not be returning until the last week of June, followed by the 4th of July weekend, and Dr. Schmidt will be gone the whole first week of July, which would push the surgery into the second week of July. I believe she honestly has my best interests at heart, and, as Daniel put it, "Mary, you've got a fire going on in there and it has to be put out". Inspired words of wisdom. I would like to believe I am wise enough to take good advice...especially when it is for my own good.

SO, I have relented, and have decided to have my surgery sooner than later. It is scheduled for June 21st, at 10:00 am, (for those of you who pray). I have to be to the hospital earlier, but that's the surgery time. It will only be an overnight stay, as long as there are no complications...I do not foresee any. So, in spite of the fact that some of you may feel inclined to come visit me at the hospital, it will not be a good idea. I will be pretty much out of it, and in need of rest. Only immediate family, please.

I will enjoy visits at home a few days later, and company as I am healing. Then the long road of radiation and chemotherapy will begin.

I truly appreciate all the love and support I have recieved from so many of you! Thank you all! Love and Hugs, Mary

Trying to Get Ready

I am seriously distracted by nearly EVERYTHING... I find it difficult to focus-in on "tasks at hand". There are a few things I need to organize and get ready before I have my surgery. One is rearranging my house. My bedroom is downstairs in the basement...mainly because I hate the heat in summer, and it is much cooler down there. It needs to be upstairs for my convalescence. Tacy helped me to clear out some clutter from my dresser. I am a hoarder-at-heart. If it weren't for living with Gary, I'd probably end-up on one of those TV shows. He keeps me in check. The upstairs of the house is clutter-free, and we work hard to keep it that way. The basement is another story...that's where I "store" everything I don't have the energy to rummage through and discard. Most of my clutter consists of stuff "I might use someday" and craft materials. Tacy and I threw out 5 bags of junk, and have a box started for the Salvation Army. But I am having a hard time getting my head into clearing out the rest.

Don't get me wrong...It's not like I have to crawl between piles of clutter (most of the time), or have vermin and insects, but just the amount of clutter I do have is bothersome to me, and I need to clear it away. But there are so many distractions...mostly in my head.

Just another Manic Sunday...

I have been battling a cold. It has caused me to sleep long hours and I've been drinking a LOT of water...so I have to stay close to home, if you know what I mean. Besides, I don't like going to public places like this and spreading it around. Today was my neice's graduation open house. I stayed home and Gary went. I was not up to it. I slept a lot today...most likely because I need it.

At the end of the evening, I had a mini-melt-down. I just started crying out of nowhere. The reality of what I am facing is starting to sink in. I'm not excited that I have to go through this. Tomorrow I call the doctor to set-up a surgery date...not too anxious for that, either. I tried to call a few friends, but no one was answering their phones. Finally, I got ahold of Angie. She talked to me for a while and gave me a lot of reassurances. I really appreciated her being there for me. A good friend is worth a thousand counselors.

Trying to Brace Myself...

The surgeon said I have several affected lymph glands, so radiation will have to follow surgery, so I will have to postpone reconstruction.

On the brighter side, I found out that I DO have a cancer insurance policy that will help with some of the expenses! It will even pay for my wig and prosthetics. I was so happy when I found out, I cried. What a relief!
I thought that I had cancelled the policy a while back, but it turns out, that wasn't the one that was cancelled. SO, God is looking out for me.

My knees are also feeling better already...less shooting pain in my knees when I walk. I have two more sets of injections, and I am excited!

I feel so blessed! I have had an outpouring of love from so many sources...And, I love ALL of you back! With all of this positive energy coming my way, I just know I can beat this. Thank you, everyone!

Cock-a-doodle-dooo!

Got CT & PET Scans done today, to give the surgeon more information about how to proceed with treatment. Don't have results for that yet.

Went to my knee surgeon, and got an alternative treatment to surgery for now. It should last long enough to get me through the rest of this.
I got a shot in each knee of a derivitive of Rooster Comb. It creates a cushion in the joint, and acts as an anti-inflammatory. I will get two more injections in the next two weeks. When I asked him if there were any side effects I should be aware of, he got really serious and said, "Well, you may start getting up REALLY EARLY in the morning..." I laughed and said, "And start CROWING!"

Was able to walk around for short distances without my cane! It seems to be working already. I am very hopeful and excited about getting some relief from the knee pain, so I can walk around better!!!!!

Said goodbye to Tacy and Fiona today. :( Will miss them. That baby makes me smile all day! It was so fun having them stay with us over the past few days. It made the parting easier. Their little family is now together again, and living in Alpine, Utah. A beautiful place. I look forward to visiting them there.

Just a Bump, Not the End of the Road

That is my new Mantra for fighting through this cancer. It was hard for me just now to type the "C" word...denial is a strange thing. I feel like I'm gonna wake up and find I was dreaming this, but I know that is not reality. SO, my alternative is to FIGHT! My Cousin, Sherri, has been through this, and is a survivor in remission. She is my exemplar. The first time I told her about my diagnosis, she said, "Mare, this is JUST A BUMP IN THE ROAD...NOT THE END OF THE ROAD."

That stuck in my head, and I thought it was a great title for my blog.

I also got a pink T-shirt from my "Sisters" that says, "Fight like a GIRL!" And that is what I will do.

For all of you who want to know what's happening, I will try my best to fill you in as I go. I am at the "gathering information" stage right now. I am relatively ignorant about this subject, so I have a lot of learning to do. I already alarmed a few people unnecessarily by misquoting my Dr. Sorry about that. I will also do my best to keep my facts straight.

I was diagnosed last week, on May 26th, 2011. On May 16th, I went in for a Mammogram because I got a notice from my clinic that I was overdue. So I wasn't expecting much at all. The following day, several messages were left on my home phone machine [which I check sporadically]. I didn't hear them until Friday. I was busy with Tacy's graduation party, so I made a mental note to call them on Monday. When I called, we set up an appointment for that Wednesday, May 25th [the same day as my knee Dr. appointment for my upcoming surgery]. The did another set of mammograms on the left side, and an ultra sound that lasted quite a while, and then they came in and said, "we need to do three biopsys...do you have time for that?"

OK, so now my head is spinning and I'm getting nervous...I said, "yes, of course". So they poked me with needles to numb me [the WORST part of the procedure], then they took the tissue samples. That was a piece of cake. The report came back at 10:30 the next day, and they called me immediately. When they told me it was cancer, they were very serious, and it scared the bejeebers out of me. They told me they set up an appointment with the same Dr. who did my gall bladder surgery [with whom I was not happy] That was when I called Sherri to ask her advice. She said, "Put on the brakes and don't let them make those kind of decisions for you." It is important to me to feel I trust the person into whose hands I am placing my life...I'm funny that way.

Today, June 2nd, I went to Sherri's Surgeon, Dr. Barbara Schmidt. I really felt comfortable with her and am happy she is my surgeon. I will have my surgery at St. Joseph's Hospital in St. Paul. The date for that has not been determined. I will have to have a mastectomy, because the cancer is spreading through the tissue and is also in my lymph gland(s). When she determines how many glands are affected, she will know whether I will need radiation as well as chemo. Because of the type I have, I will have to have the inter-venous type of chemo. It will be a long haul, but I will take it one day at a time.

Tomorrow morning, I am going into my knee surgeon and he is going to inject something into my knees that is made from rooster comb. It acts like cartilidge. It may give me some relief while I go through all this other business. I don't think my immune system can handle both surgical traumas at the same time.

At noon, I am going to have a PET Scan done, so Dr. S. can find out more before the surgery about what is happening in my lymph glands.

Will let you all know what's up as I go along.